Invisible

Do you remember the time when you were little, and in awe of superheroes? We all had our favourites -Superman, Spiderman, Batman and so on. And we used to ask each other the question “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” Some of us wanted to fly, some wanted inhuman strength. For me it was being invisible. I cannot remember why I wanted to be invisible, to be honest. Oh, and if that seems a little perverted to you, I’d advise to get your mind washed, because it had obviously been 170049-im-invisiblein the gutter. But to the matter at hand, we all wished we had those superpowers, but we never got them. Right? For mortals like you maybe. I am living my dream.

I am invisible.

But not in the way I imagined. Or the way you imagined. People can see me alright, and I am about as solid as the brick wall I didn’t see because I was thinking about this post. But I am invisible to a lot of people. I’ve had people come up to me after three years in college and say, “I have never seen you. Do we go to the same college?” Girls won’t look twice at me (or even once, ’cause I’m invisible baby…), and I have never had a girlfriend (*hint* I am single 😀 ).

I can see you pulling out your puppy eyes and feeling sorry for me, but don’t be. I chose this. I forced myself into this corner. And I have no regrets (well, maybe the girlfriend thing makes me sad a little…). But being an introvert, it actually is a lot better to be invisible. I don’t like to party, and I don’t do small talk with people I barely know. I smile at them, and they smile back, and that’s it. Anything more than that will make me uncomfortable. This is probably why I became invisible in the first place. I don’t go out and mingle with people, I tend to have a couple of friends with whom I talk deeply and intensely. I stay away from raucous celebrations and parties, I tend to prefer reading a book, watching a movie or writing. Given these facts, it is actually a blessing to be invisible because then I don’t get invited to anything, so I don’t have to bother coming up with an excuse (apparently I am an introvert is not acceptable…).

To all the extroverts reading this, you guys are perfect. You represent the perfect human being that society envisions. You represent the extrovert ideal that came up after globalization. I want to talk to the introverts. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to want to spend time alone, and not go to parties. It’s fine to just have a few friends and not be the gregarious one. It’s fine to be you. I am not asking you not to change. I am asking you not to change for others. We are fine the way the Lord created us.

I don’t know why, but I want to leave these lines…If you have time just ponder on these…

“We can’t all be captains,
We’ve got to be crew.”

 

Am I Nuts?

Everyone is certifiably a little nuts. It’s what makes us unique, it’s what defines us. It’s what makes us. But not me, oh no…I’m taking things to a whole new level. A level where I think I might need professional help. Which means admitting that I am mad. Which is a contradiction because mad people NEVER admit they are mad, they just pretend the other 99.99% are mad.

You get my dilemma….

Gotcha!!!

I’m not mad. I’ll be the first to admit that (but was I a mad man, I’d still say that, so the choice is yours…).  But I have some issues. I’ve had some issues for quite a long time, and the problem is I can’t seem to pin-point those issues. I can google all night long and conclude that I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Social Anxiety Disorder or Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I have. But that’s just like searching for the genus of the monster that’s yanking me by the leg. It does no good. Plus it gives the monster enough time to sprinkle you with some pepper and salt to improve the taste (Do monsters even care about taste?? Anyways…)

What I mean is these names don’t convey what’s wrong with me. Somewhere, somehow in my mind, an idea has taken root. And that idea is the root of all my troubles. I just have to search for that idea, find it, and uproot it. There. Case solved.

Really? It’s about as easy as finding a needle in a haystack. I have to search through years of memories and experiences before I arrive at that specific idea. And ideas are like a virus. Resilient.

The other way is to try and reprogram the way my mind works. To try and fight, instead of invoking cartloads of anxiety and fleeing. Oh come on !!! Why are we still using the metaphors fight of flight?? We are not animals, nor are we hunter-gatherers !!! See what I mean…An idea is resilient.

Anyway, here’s my problem. I am scared. Plain and simple. Scared of what? There’s not enough paper in the world to write about. I’m scared about going outside, I’m scared of new situations. I’m scared of interacting with people. To put it into a new metaphor, I’d say I feel like I’m in someone else’s dream (Inception reference…). That if I put one toe out of the line, their subconscious will rip me to shreds. I am way too concerned about what others think about me, about what others say to me. About all the scolding that I may get, about the failures that I may encounter along the way. If someone tells me I did something wrong, I will just swell up with anger. I would think about it for hours on end. I would ignore just about everything in the world, and drown deeper into the nightmare that I’ve created. I’ve tried to tell myself that what others say cannot possibly hurt me, what others think of me is of no concern to me. But it is not working. Not at all. It seems my image of me, my ego is very fragile and damaged easily.

I’ve got to reprogram my mind. I’ve got to be stronger and grow up. I can’t wait for a saviour to come and miraculously save me from the abyss that I’ve imagined for myself. I’ve got to be that saviour. This is my life, and I am its architect.

But the problem is : Words are cheap. Actions are costly. If only I could perform inception, and sow the positive idea into my mind…

I love the new Gmail Interface !!!

Unless you are one of those guys who never check your emails, you’ll probably have noticed that Gmail has changed its interface. And I am loving it !!!

Earlier, all of my emails came in one cluttered inbox, and whenever I logged in, I’d be treated to a capharnaum of mails, most of them Facebook notifications. It was a common sight for important mails to be lost in this mess.

But not anymore.

Gmail has modified its interface to accommodate five different categories of mails, Primary, Promotion, Updates , Forums and Social. So now when I open my inbox, I see only my primary mail. I can browse all of that, and then, if I want to, I can view the other categories. All the Facebook notifications come under the Social tab, and newsletters will be sorted under the Promotions tab. Gmail gives us the freedom to select which type of mail should come under which category, and to further refine the categorization according to our choice. We can also create new categories and sort mails into them.

Some users have come out saying that this new set up is confusing, but according to me, this is a huge improvement, and a definite step in the right direction for Gmail. Thanks!!!

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