Looking Back

Time has a way of making us fools. When we as people begin to feel in control and feel nothing can faze us, time knocks us gently on the back of our heads and forces us to turn around. And turning around is a fascinating thing.

Our lives, no matter how mundane or normal we think they have been, are filled with memories. The tears we cried when we felt our fingers slip from our parents’ hands and we walked to school for the first time. The uncaring laughter we shared with our very first friends. The incredible experience of having a story unfold before our very eyes in the cinemas. The first time we felt that swooping sensation in the pit of our stomach, the daydreaming which told us we had fallen in love. The despair, the loneliness we felt when something didn’t work out. The tears we shed when we said goodbye to our school friends with a promise to keep in touch but never did. Our first day in college, our first job, the day we set out to do something, the day we created something. These memories, these moments etched in time, these indelible moments, they move us, shCapture1ape us and create us.

Four years ago, I created my wordpress account. It was a time when I badly needed a release for a lot of frustration. Writing helped me do that. The years in college changed me and helped me mature as a person. And all through that I wrote. I wont claim to be the most dedicated person because I haven’t been. I took  many a hiatus, sometimes for too long. But something dragged me back. Something that was mine. This place right here. This website, this URL. This is mine, and I created it. This is my fortress, my palace, and to quote JK Rowling, “it will always be there to welcome me home”.

In these four years, I have matured, evolved and shared some experiences which will hopefully help someone like me. I had the good fortune of getting to know some wonderful people, and making some good friends. I was fortunate to have a great support group. And all I want to say is “Thank You”.

Paul Heyman said, “I don’t look back. I never spend my time looking back, I spend my time looking forward.” I agree with Mr. Heyman completely. But I feel, at least sometimes, we need to look back. Not to sit and cry over the days that are behind us, but to learn from our mistakes. And take pride in whatever good we did. We need to look forward constantly, but we need the help of our past to create our future.

Before I take leave, I want to say one more thing. All of us have made mistakes in our past. I have done some things which I am not proud of. But that realization that I made those mistakes and the simple realization that those were in fact mistakes makes us a pretty good human being. We can always redeem ourselves. We cannot change our past, we can change our future.

Our past did indeed shape us, but our past doesn’t have to define us.

Portrait of a Loner

He walked the tarred road with his friends. The air was still but a certain pleasant coolness hung around the air. Despite the chill, he was sweating mildly. He wiped the sweat off his lips with his hand as he watched the people around him. Not his friends. Not them. The others. The ones that made him uneasy.

The road was bustling with people. People laughing, enjoying, taking pictures and talking loudly. The kind of people that he hated and dreaded at the same time. The people who were quite unlike him, different from him, and – he realized with a sting- people he desperately wanted to be like. Next to him, his friends laughed. So did he, but you could sense it was a hollow laugh. he hadn’t heard a word of what they had said. But it was convincing, as if he had been giving that sort of a laugh for a long time now. No, he wasn’t listening to them. he was lost in his world, his thoughts, the same thoughts that he found solace in, where he built his beautiful empire, and strangely the same thoughts that sometimes attempted to strangle him.

His eyes scanned the crowd, flitting from person to person, face to face, but he had become so good at it that no one around him realized. He was browsing the entire crowd with no
one noticing. And then the source of the noise came into sight. A small building stood on the side of the road, but they wouldn’t have noticed it if they hadn’t known it was there. The hall was surrounded by people. People wearing smart dresses, neatly brushed up attires. He looked down at his own faded T-shirt and jeans. He felt undressed, he felt out of place. They all stopped near the crowd. None of them wanted to go inside. They just wanted to stand there and watch. Music was playing somewhere near, and a small distance away, people were dancing. He looked around. he didn’t recognize anyone, and he didn’t expect to either. He was hardly popular, he barely knew anyone.

A group of people moved close to them. Girls and boys were holding hands, taking selfies, and girls were pouting. He looked away, as though the sight burned him. But he couldn’t avert his eyes. Everywhere he looked it was the same thing. Girls and boys were talking, laughing and enjoying, even dancing. He was uncomfortable. His friends didn’t seem to notice because visibly he was disinterested. He was merely looking bored, but inside he was burning. He moved his eyes one more time and saw a girl standing alone a few feet from him. She was quite pretty, and stunningly dressed.She was sweating slightly in the warmth, and it turned him on. He kept watching her, and occasi
onally other girls as well, but a little later they all left with boys. The girl he was watching was still there, and he kept looking without anyone knowing. And then she turned. A boy had just joined her and she began talking to him.

He tore his eyes from the sight as he felt his heart sink a little. Everyone here had a boyfriend, and even if they didn’t they wouldn’t be interested in him. Definitely not someone like him. He had learned this years ago, but it still hurt. Moments like these hurt. He looked around and saw his friends still looking around, enjoying. None of them had any girlfriends, but they did, at some point. They were not like him. They didn’t feel the pain, only he did.

He turned around and walked back. But this time, he kept his eyes down. He didn’t want to see any more. He didn’t want to see anything. Because he knew it would burn him. And he didn’t want to get burned again. Because he had been getting burned for a long time now. Quite a long time. It had begun nearly a decade ago. And it still continued to this day.

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by my dear friend Little Miss Mystery. First of all, thank you very much dear. It really means a lot to me. You know there are some times when I feel like my blog isn’t really reaching many people, but your comments and replies always bring a smile on my face.

So without much ado…here are the rules…

  • Thank the person who nominated you (done!)
  • Add the logo to you post (ERROR RETRIEVING LOGO!!!)
  • Nominate ten bloggers who inspire you (Oh God, 10?? I will do a couple, but not 10…)
  • Answer the following questions

1. In your personal life, which person inspires you the most?
Quite a lot of people, nearly all of them pro-wrestlers. I know pro-wrestling has a kind of a bad name out there, but I am proud of being a fan. I love Triple H, Shawn Michaels, C M Punk, Seth Rollins, the list is huge.
2. Who is your role model?
I don’t have ONE role model, because I believe no one is perfect. I try to emulate things from different people. I just find that more practical.
3. Do you make efforts to make others feel emotionally and mentally stronger?
Not very much. However, if my cousins come to me seeking advice, I try to give them the best possible advice about life in general. I tell them that there are always going to be people who look down on you and try to drag you down. I tell them they have to be strong and above all, stay true to themselves. I hope one day, somebody’s life will be at least a little bit better, because of me.
4. Which sound do you hear this current moment?
The ceiling fan in my hostel room.
5. Which is the best quote for you?
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”      – Albus Dumbledore

The reason I think this quote is meant for me, is that I get bugged down by the smallest things. I am literally one of the luckiest people in the world thanks to the Lord’s grace, but I picture myself as the victim quite often.I should really live by this quote.

And now the nominations:

Inconspicuous Beings and back to my dear Little Miss Mystery. Also I’d like to nominate someone who is not on wordpress, but on blogger, Capturing Sunshine. Her posts are some of the most inspirational posts I’ve ever seen.

The School Tag

So, my good friend Little Miss Mystery has tagged me in for a challenge…actually its not a challenge per se…what it is I do not know… It is called the School Tag, and it is a bit overdue considering the fact that I am 22 and 5 years out of school, but I’ll go anyway. I am just so thankful I am being considered for something like this, Thank You dear!!!

Rules:

  • Answer all questions
  • Tag other blogs to take part
  1. What was your favourite subject in school?

Chemistry, probably. I was a nerd.

  1. What was your least favourite subject in school?

Maths. I hate maths. Even now I cannot do a proper integration because of how it was taught in school. I straight out hate it.

  1. How many detentions did you get?

Zero. Indian schools do not have detention system.Some teachers give lines, talk to our parents or come up with some other punishments.

  1. Where you a class rebel or a teacher’s pet?

Teacher’s pet. Probably because I was good at everything I did, and was pretty polite and all. I never went out of my way to help the teachers, and made friends out of teachers like some people, but I did okay.

  1. What was your favourite year of school?

Probably 12th. Because it was the last year of school, and I wanted to do (and I did) a big blow-off at the farewell. I ripped off the good-boy mask and performed on stage, which left some teachers with their mouths open. I am sure I impressed some girls as well, but pitted against all my dorkiness, I think it just paled away.

  1. What was your least favourite year of school?

This is tough. Because when you are 5 years out of school you tend to look upon everything fondly. But I’ll go with 4th. Because I had just transferred to a new school, and things were totally different. I hated it. But looking back, I’d say it taught me a lot of life lessons, and made me a better person.

  1. Who was your first friend in school?

I remember in Kindergarten and 1st, I had two friends, a boy and a girl. The girl, I recently met, and we are friends on FB, but the boy, I have no frigging idea.

  1. Your most vivid school memory?

Quite a lot of memories. Probably I’ll go back to my first crush. The rumours swirling around about us ( though nothing ever worked out), I just sort of loved it. I loved going to school during that time.

  1. Who was your favourite teacher in school?

No names dear, this is an anonymous blog. I feel like I have let too much out already.

  1. Who was your least favourite teacher in school?

Again, same thing.

  1. Did you ever skip class?
Nope. Maybe once or twice for family vacations, and with permission. I am a good boy…how I wish I was not!!!
  1. What was the biggest fad you had in school?

WWE. Continues to this day.

  1. Worst teacher joke ever?

Teachers rarely joke in India, trust me. And when they do it is just too horrible to even commit to memory.

So that’s about it. Thank you so much Mystery Girl, for this tag, and I’d like to tag, as always, Inconspicuous Beings.

Bye!!!

Want to hear a joke about potassium? K

Want to hear a joke about oxygen? O

Two Years… and Counting !!!

I just signed into my wordpress account after a long time, and lo and behold. Today is the day I created my blog, two whole years ago !!! It is my second anniversary blogging, so let me take a trip down memory lane, with a few Q&As and some other quirks…

Image

Q) Why did I start blogging?

I’m not sure, I had a blog registered to my real name before that, and I don’t know why I started that one either. I guess it was sort of a step in the right direction, to do something I love, to gain some followers and some popularity, none of which I got. Maybe that was because the blog was in my name, and I couldn’t rant on a blog which could easily be traced to me. So 2 years ago, I decided to start an anonymous blog. So here we are…

Q) How do I rate my journey so far?

Quite good. I’ve not scaled heights or become a better writer, I have not been featured on any must-read columns, but still I say the ride so far has been pretty good. I’ve made some good friends, particularly the girl over at Inconspicuous Beings, I’ve realized that there are people who share the same problems as me, and who find the strength to rise. That’s a pretty cool thing to be honest…

Q)Future goals and ambitions…

Don’t know to be honest. I want to build a better blog, but apart from that, no idea at all.I mean, I am pretty young (if you can call 21 young…), and one thing I have learnt about life is that your dreams, goals and ambitions change as you go. And it’s not a bad thing. Someway along the way, you’ll find your pace, your forte, and you’ll settle down. I am not scared in this big world, because I know the Lord is with me…