Invisible

Do you remember the time when you were little, and in awe of superheroes? We all had our favourites -Superman, Spiderman, Batman and so on. And we used to ask each other the question “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” Some of us wanted to fly, some wanted inhuman strength. For me it was being invisible. I cannot remember why I wanted to be invisible, to be honest. Oh, and if that seems a little perverted to you, I’d advise to get your mind washed, because it had obviously been 170049-im-invisiblein the gutter. But to the matter at hand, we all wished we had those superpowers, but we never got them. Right? For mortals like you maybe. I am living my dream.

I am invisible.

But not in the way I imagined. Or the way you imagined. People can see me alright, and I am about as solid as the brick wall I didn’t see because I was thinking about this post. But I am invisible to a lot of people. I’ve had people come up to me after three years in college and say, “I have never seen you. Do we go to the same college?” Girls won’t look twice at me (or even once, ’cause I’m invisible baby…), and I have never had a girlfriend (*hint* I am single 😀 ).

I can see you pulling out your puppy eyes and feeling sorry for me, but don’t be. I chose this. I forced myself into this corner. And I have no regrets (well, maybe the girlfriend thing makes me sad a little…). But being an introvert, it actually is a lot better to be invisible. I don’t like to party, and I don’t do small talk with people I barely know. I smile at them, and they smile back, and that’s it. Anything more than that will make me uncomfortable. This is probably why I became invisible in the first place. I don’t go out and mingle with people, I tend to have a couple of friends with whom I talk deeply and intensely. I stay away from raucous celebrations and parties, I tend to prefer reading a book, watching a movie or writing. Given these facts, it is actually a blessing to be invisible because then I don’t get invited to anything, so I don’t have to bother coming up with an excuse (apparently I am an introvert is not acceptable…).

To all the extroverts reading this, you guys are perfect. You represent the perfect human being that society envisions. You represent the extrovert ideal that came up after globalization. I want to talk to the introverts. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to want to spend time alone, and not go to parties. It’s fine to just have a few friends and not be the gregarious one. It’s fine to be you. I am not asking you not to change. I am asking you not to change for others. We are fine the way the Lord created us.

I don’t know why, but I want to leave these lines…If you have time just ponder on these…

“We can’t all be captains,
We’ve got to be crew.”

 

To Be or Not To Be…

Again, I know this is a cliché line, but I have been gone for another couple of months with absolutely no blogging whatsoever. During the past one or two months on many an occasion, I took out my laptop, and began typing something about my life. But in the next couple of minutes, I would inevitably erase the whole thing. I just didn’t know what I wanted to write, and I didn’t want to write for the sake of writing.

To be honest, the last couple of months have been tough, made tougher by my ego, my incredibly bad coping skills and possibly a bad bout of OCD-GAD and just about any psychological disorder that you can google up. Life moved up a notch, but unfortunately, I didn’t.

I am doing my master’s degree right now, and in just over a year, I’ll be done with that as well. But I am still the child that I have always been. I just cannot bring myself to understand that when the pace quickens, you have to move faster. I still want to curl up in bed by 11 every night, and sleep till around 7 in the morning. Rush off to my morning classes at 8 and then be back by noon to have my lunch. A quick nap, and then rush off to my hour or two of afternoon classes and then back to my hostel room. Once back, I immerse myself in watching videos on youtube, clips of the Big Bang Theory and checking Facebook every hour. I literally never get any work done. Except on the last day. I always get my work done on time, but the day before the submission is usually the day I nearly blow by top.

I am at a crossroads now, and I want to go the right way. I want to achieve all of my dreams, being a world renown professor, acting in a couple of movies, and at least for one day, be a guest host on WWE RAW. But I am just too lazy to get up and start working. I think that if I start working, I can no longer have fun. But isn’t the basic idea of a happy life, that you do all your work, and still manage to have fun?

That idea, is just a little too difficult for me to comprehend.

Now, as I sit here typing relentlessly on my computer, the words just seem to flow, an exhilaration that I haven’t felt in a long time. Due to my unholy tendency to get consumed in self-pity and “being the victim” attitude and my idiotic methods of coping, these creative juices were almost non-existent for a long time. But strangely, just hours after I drowned myself in another pool of self-pity, my mind seems to be clear. The words are flowing out of me, as if I have been reborn. As if my sins have been cleansed, and I now have a second chance to live. To LIVE, NOT EXIST.

I don’t know how long this will last, because I have had epiphanies and resurrections before, and none of them lasted. But I hope this does. I just know that I will do everything in my power to make sure it does.

A Back-up Jeans is a MUST…

The jeans is a piece of clothing that Indians, especially Keralaites, love. Even though it originated in the US, we seem to love it even more, especially college students and the youth, considering its many advantages.

1. We do not need to iron it.

2. Most importantly, we need not wash it frequently.

I don’t know how much of this is actually a fact, and originated from the US, but the common conception here is that a jeans means you need not wash it often. Considering this fact, when I came to college just a couple of hours away from home, I decided I would just take one pair of jeans. The one I was wearing. I mean, I could come home that weekend, so why bother taking another? It wasn’t as if I’d need to wash it or anything…

But my mother was insistent. She pressed the issue and made me take an extra pair of jeans. It lay there in my cupboard, wasting away for one whole semester, and I was thinking why did I even bring it.

And then it happened, I was wearing one of my oldest jeans, one i had for like 5 or 6 years, and as I was putting it on, the button broke!!! The effing button broke, and my best attempts at putting it back proved futile. I had a class in ten minutes, and I was desperate. Then it hit me, I had a back up pair…! And that pair saved my day…

So, any one thinking that one pair of jeans is enough…think again. You never know what is going to happen…a crow may crap on them, you may spill juice on them, hell anything…

So always, always, have a back up…

Turning Asocial

This is an extension of a post that one of my blogger friends who blogs at Capturing Sunshine posted on one of her accounts, about how she was turning asocial day by day. At that time, I shrugged it aside, saying, “Nah, that’s too much…”, but now, I am singing a different tune. Ever since I began my PG college life, I have been turning asocial. I have been beginning to hate every second I spend in the hostel, and quite often I rush home every now and then.

The reason is the stark realization that in this world, every one is out for themselves. No one will be there for you when you fall, but they will always come to you when they need something. This was very different from what I was used to. In my UG studies, everyone was very supportive, everyone was genuine. But not anymore. Everyone will coat their words and actions with sugar and honey when they need something from you, and if you need something from them, they won’t budge. Everyone is two faced- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is no fiction, it is very much the reality. A reality that we see in everyday life.

I am not saying I don’t have friends, I do. Some people who face the same issues as I do. Because we were not brought up to play games with people. With us, what you see is what you get. We don’t pretend to be someone we are not. But now I feel I should change that. In this dog eat dog world, you can’t afford to be a puppy. You’ve got to be a wolf. Not to tear others apart, but to protect myself from getting torn apart.

So people, here’s a a question I have to ask you guys…

Do you feel the say way??? Did you ever face something like this???

Do reply in comments!!!

Okay, I’m in Creative Purgatory !!!