Impending disaster. That sums up my life right now. In roughly 2 weeks, I am doomed, unless of course I can get my senses back. So all in all, the heading seems pretty right. Just like a deer in the middle of a road, watching the headlights of a vehicle approach it with its wide open eyes, unable to move a muscle, unable to escape, even though it possibly can, I am now staring a monster right in the eye. And that is NOT a good place to be.
When a deer gets caught in the glaring headlights of a vehicle approaching it at full speed, it can’t think. It can probably leap away into safety in an instant, but it can’t. All it can do is just stand there and stare at the headlights. Stare at approaching death. And I am in that same position now, figuratively (maybe minus the death part…). In two weeks I have to present a seminar, in front of the whole class, in front of a couple of teachers who are probably going to badger me. Well, you might be thinking that I am a drama king, with all the gross exaggeration, but let me finish. I know, for a guy who talks about kicking fear in the ass and taming the dragon called public speaking, this is child’s play, right?
The thing is I haven’t got a topic yet. I haven’t selected a topic yet, and that is not good. I have a couple of topics floating around in my mind, but the moment I begin to close in on any idea, and begin to prepare, I see the gaping holes in the topic. I begin to think, come on, if I present that I am going down bad. And I choose another subject. And the whole effing cycle repeats again and again. I CAN, theoretically, just choose a topic and present it the best I can ( and that is usually at a very high level), but practically, I am doing nothing. I pore over books and articles and blogs to learn about the subject, when in reality I am looking for reasons to ditch the subject.
I CAN, but I CAN’T. Deer in the headlights.
Somehow I have to shake the cobwebs in my head. Somehow I have to persevere, select a topic and proceed on to the seminar, and deliver. Somehow I have to. I promise myself by tomorrow night I will have zeroed in on a topic. And I will stick to it. I will give the talk when the time comes (which should be any time in the next 2 weeks).
And I will give you a show the likes of which of you have never seen before. Why? Because I can.
[The last line is courtesy of Shawn Michaels…]