How does it feel to be NORMAL??

I have been wondering this for quite a long time, and I feel now the thoughts shall burst forth onto the canvas and possibly create a melee of colours which someone may mistake for art. Because I am about to rant about my life and quite possibly yours as well. I am about to call into question everything that we believe in. Because, quite simply I am about to question what being normal is…

I am not normal. I will say that out loud. I will vouch for that statement anywhere. Because I have been exploring the deepest darkest corners of my mind for so long, I know what I am. I know who I am. But today of all the days, as I sat lazing around in my room, staring blankly at the piles of work that I haven’t made a dent in, I realized something is inherently wrong with me.  A gene perhaps, misplaced or missed. That would certainly explain quite a lot. As I sat scrolling up and down my list of whatsapp contacts, wondering who to message, it hit me like a bolt of lightning, I am different. I am an anomaly. I am the odd one out.

My thoughts go back a couple of days, then back to a couple of years. I messaged my friends, I messaged my crushes, I messaged my cousins. Those conversations lasted a couple of minutes. Some even lasted days, and then, inevitably there was silence. And in between those silent streaks, I’d take the initiative, not once but many many times to send a simple hi or how are you. I am met with silence, or those stoic one word replies which mean just one thing – they are itching to stop and walk away. It just began the avalanche of questions which eventually culminated in this post: Do I put people off?

NO!!! My automatic defense took over. I am fine. But evidence suggests otherwise. I was a textbook nerd. But then a couple of years ago, I changed. I began to loosen up. I began to have a sense of humor. I stopped being an asshole. But things never brightened. I was still the oddball. I was still the out-of-place dude. Because you can’t change who you are. You can try, but you can’t. I never feel good in a group. I just don’t belong there. I can manage in a small group of intimate people, but otherwise I just stand in the fringes and smile like a stupid idiot. I am not the guy who enjoys long drawn out trips and adventures. I don’t like driving, and fast cars or bikes. I prefer spending my time reading or writing or thinking or watching TV. I don’t need to have high spots in my life to feel worthwhile. I prefer the serenity of routine, I prefer the enjoyment of a good cup of coffee, the savoury feel of chicken on the tongue, the smell of fresh parchment. I don’t care much about my body. I don’t want six pack abs. I don’t want to go to the gym. I don’t care about how I look (well, I do recommend basic cleanliness, but you get my meaning!!). I don’t care about expensive brands. I am comfortable in a cheap jeans and t-shirt. Maybe because of all that, I don’t fit in. Everyone else like all these. I don’t. I don’t fit a certain mold. And people don’t get that.

In simple wrestling analogy ( another area where I differ, pro-wrestling is my life), I am not you typical prototypical poster boy John Cena. I am more of the anti-hero C M Punk. And by your standards, that isn’t normal. Well, by my standards, all of you are insane as well.

The reason I wrote this is because I want anybody else out there like me to know they are not alone. We are all perfect in our own ways. Don’t EVER let others define your life.

Be who you are and kick ass all the way. It’s as simple as that.

Three Day Three Quote Challenge (Final Part)

Okay then, here I am with the third and final installment of my favourite quotes. I thought and thought about what this should be, but somehow I couldn’t reach a conclusion. I have tons of quotes which I use as inspiration and which I recite on a daily basis but I didn’t know what to put here. But in the end, I decided on a sort of a biblical quote. This quote is something I recite to myself on many occasions, particularly when I am required to perform but the outcome is not in my hands(like interviews and exams). This one line quote simply goes:

Thy will, not mine, be done.

More of a prayer than a quote, but this one really eases my body and mind. By speaking these six words, I am surrendering myself to my creator God. I am doing a trust fall knowing that the Lord will catch me. Besides, I am asking my Lord to decide what is right for me and guide me accordingly. Because I am a child. I do not know what is good for me. But the Lord knows it very well. I am simply asking him to guide me along the path that I need to be on, not the path that I want to be on. And make no mistake, the Lord always answers!!!



That was the only thing I could feel. Even though it had been hours since the accident I could still feel the pain. I tried to look at my left hand, but I couldn’t. I tore my gaze away as if the sight could kill me. I couldn’t look. I didn’t want to see what had happened. I didn’t want to see an incomplete hand.

“Its fine”, people told me. “It happens…you will get over it…”, they said.

I nodded silently, not really believing at all. Easy for them to say. They didn’t lose a part of their self, I did. I feel the pain, not them.

I wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t. Every time I close my eyes, that same scene plays in front of my eyes. I am walking to the bus stop. I am a bit late, so I am in a hurry. My friend is close by, and as we approach the bus stop, a bus arrives. It prepares to leave, so we rush. We rush to board the bus. The bus slows down for us to get in. My friend gets in. I jump into the bus but my left hand hits the side…….

I jerk awake as if I am struck by lightning. Sweat runs down my face as I struggle to regain my breath. After a few deep breaths, I feel alright. I wipe the sweat off with both my hands, and as I do so, I catch sight of my left arm. The sight I had been dreading. My arm, my fingers, everything was there. But something was different. Something was missing. Something that was part of my life, my arm, my soul.

My watch.

I am walking to the bus stop. I am a bit late, so I am in a hurry. My friend is close by, and as we approach the bus stop, a bus arrives. It prepares to leave, so we rush. We rush to board the bus. The bus slows down for us to get in. My friend gets in. I jump into the bus but my left hand hits the side. I turn to my left to see what has happened. Meanwhile the bus starts moving. I watch in slow motion as my watch gets ripped off my hand and falls down on the concrete road. Shocked and frozen, I don’t know what to do. A part of me said it was fine. The other part of me wanted to jump out of the bus and get my watch. I didn’t. I let it go. I was out of my senses for far too long to make a decision. Now I sat in the bus with an empty hand, an empty wrist. It felt odd. I kept glancing at my wrist hoping my watch would magically reappear.

It was five years ago that I got my watch. It was a gift from my relatives. My watch was with me 24 X 7 for 5 whole years. It had been there for me in my moments of glory, and my deepest heartbreaks. My watch probably knew more about me than anyone else. Because it was with me always. Because it was part of me.

And now back home, I sit in my bed replaying the dreadful scene. And every time my watch falls off, I have to fight back tears. Knowing that it fell on unforgiving concrete, knowing that vehicles run through that very road, and knowing that I will never ever see my watch ever again. It just hurts.

Tears well up in my eyes as I stare at my incomplete left hand.

“I’m sorry…I love you”…

Three Day Three Quote Challenge (Part 2)

Well, well, well, we meet again…

The last time I posted I told you guys (and gals…) I was going to post inspiring quotes for three days. That was three days ago, and I have only posted a single quote. In my defense, the rules were ambiguous, it said you have to post three quotes on three days…and NOT CONSECUTIVE DAYS!!! So I am pretty much in the clear…

Anyways, on with the quote…well this is a quote from the movie Little Manhattan. It is basically a story about a kid’s first love, and back in the days, I loved this movie. Mostly because at that time, I was going through the whole first love thing as well. For both of us it never happened…but I still love this quote because it hits home pretty hard. It’s not exactly an inspirational quote, but it tells the truth as far as I am concerned…

“Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools. It’ll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor. And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can’t ever shake. The truth is, there’s gonna be other girls out there. I mean, I hope. But I’m never gonna get another first love. That one is always gonna be her. “

That’s all for now folks…until next time, which I hope will be soon!!!

Three Day Three Quote Challenge !!!

First of all a huge huge apology to babysteps22 for the nearly one week delay in responding to the challenge. I am really very sorry. The past week was a huge whirlwind of activity and I just cannot concentrate on multiple things at a time, so I thought I’ll wait for the storm to pass, and then accept the challenge.

Before I begin, I would like to thank babysteps22 for nominating me. I love challenges, mostly because it makes me post more often, and that is what I dearly need.

Now, my quote for the day…

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”

-Albus Dumbledore

I just love this quote because it applies to me a lot. I tend to get disappointed when things dont go as planned and when I don’t get my way. I feel cynical and feel life is just a big mess. But this quote gives me hope, and nudges me gently to turn on the light…

And now, my nominations…

Inconspicuous Beings

Sun, Sand, Stars and Dreams

Little Miss Mystery

The Search for Gladstone

Hello everyone, I am back from my usual hiatus, and I have been thinking what to write about. And I thought, this is my blog, but I never quite explained a lot of things about me. Like my name for instance. My username is William “Bill” Gladstone. It sure as hell isn’t my real name. But why this? What is William Gladstone? OR better, who is William Gladstone?

William Gladstone is someone who is way better than me. He is the guy everyone wants to be. In being so, he is diametrically opposite to me.

Bill Gladstone is in perfect shape. He doesn’t have a 6 pack abs or giant pectorals, he is in great shape, just that. I am not, I have a tummy, and I am terribly out of shape. Bill is always in command of a situation. Things always go his way, and even if they don’t he simply takes a deep breath, analyzes the situation, and comes up with a solution. I, on the other hand, panic at every small thing, and suffer from a deep seated anxiety disorder. Bill is good with people. He oozes confidence, and positively reeks of charisma. I am a depressed person, and I am positively a charisma vacuum. Bill is self interested, but he always thinks about giving back to society. He wants to make other people’s lives better. And me? I am the most self-centered egomaniac in this world.

In short, Bill is someone I want to be. Bill is my future. I am building my future, one brick at a time. I am searching for my future, I am searching for Bill.

The fact is, I may never get to be William Gladstone. I may die just me. But that’s fine with me. I just want others to know I tried.

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

I have been nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award by my dear friend Little Miss Mystery. First of all, thank you very much dear. It really means a lot to me. You know there are some times when I feel like my blog isn’t really reaching many people, but your comments and replies always bring a smile on my face.

So without much ado…here are the rules…

  • Thank the person who nominated you (done!)
  • Add the logo to you post (ERROR RETRIEVING LOGO!!!)
  • Nominate ten bloggers who inspire you (Oh God, 10?? I will do a couple, but not 10…)
  • Answer the following questions

1. In your personal life, which person inspires you the most?
Quite a lot of people, nearly all of them pro-wrestlers. I know pro-wrestling has a kind of a bad name out there, but I am proud of being a fan. I love Triple H, Shawn Michaels, C M Punk, Seth Rollins, the list is huge.
2. Who is your role model?
I don’t have ONE role model, because I believe no one is perfect. I try to emulate things from different people. I just find that more practical.
3. Do you make efforts to make others feel emotionally and mentally stronger?
Not very much. However, if my cousins come to me seeking advice, I try to give them the best possible advice about life in general. I tell them that there are always going to be people who look down on you and try to drag you down. I tell them they have to be strong and above all, stay true to themselves. I hope one day, somebody’s life will be at least a little bit better, because of me.
4. Which sound do you hear this current moment?
The ceiling fan in my hostel room.
5. Which is the best quote for you?
Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”      – Albus Dumbledore

The reason I think this quote is meant for me, is that I get bugged down by the smallest things. I am literally one of the luckiest people in the world thanks to the Lord’s grace, but I picture myself as the victim quite often.I should really live by this quote.

And now the nominations:

Inconspicuous Beings and back to my dear Little Miss Mystery. Also I’d like to nominate someone who is not on wordpress, but on blogger, Capturing Sunshine. Her posts are some of the most inspirational posts I’ve ever seen.