Are We Pulling Us Back ?

We are all extremely talented individuals, we all have immense potential, and we have the thirst to prove to prove ourselves in this world. But somehow, someway, we fall short. Despite all the talent in the world, we are ultimately gutless to do something. Even when we do something, we always find some snag, we always hit a dead end, and we end up abandoning our plan.

In short, something is pulling us back.

Sound familiar? I yes, then you are like me. If no, then this post is about people like you as well, because this tries to figure out what you people do that we don’t…so if you have a few minutes to spare, read till the end, and hopefully leave a comment… :-)

I love to write, blog, and would like to be an actor someday. I have tried many times to write a book, at least a series and publish it online. I have wrote a couple of pages and stopped each time. The stories have rotted away in the crevices of my mind. Then I figured maybe I can make a web show, a comic one at that, and gain attention. But that too gave way. Numerous ideas, poised for success, fell down and burned in hell.

But what if, what if, I am the one pulling myself back each time?

We all have emotional baggage we carry with us. We all have fears we hide inside our hearts. Maybe I am scared that to accomplish something, I will have to lose something, the more I gain, the more I have to lose. In short, I am scared of failing. Every day seems a burden imposed on me, because quite frankly, despite being a reasonably good student, born in a loving family, I am not living life on my terms. I am not enjoying life. I am not doing something to make myself proud and happy.

There are people who inspire me in life. Most of them are wrestlers. Supreme among them is Triple H, the Game. I want to be like him, his poise, his attitude, his work ethic, everything. And then there is Shirley Setia. I admit, I am a mark for this girl. It is amazing how she can balance her studies, music, vlogs, covers, live shows, RJing, and now she has got an internship as well. Just want to wish you all the very best for the new chapter in your life,Shirley…

My point is, the moment we start living life on our terms, the moment we forget to fear, the moment we stop thinking about the outcome, and do the things we love with all vigour, life becomes good and happy again.

Lets all try to have a happy life from now on, shall we ??? {Easier said than done, I know…}

[Forgive me for the lack of structure in this post…my exams are nearby, and am a little bit busy, but I just couldn’t hold off…]

Turning Asocial

This is an extension of a post that one of my blogger friends who blogs at Capturing Sunshine posted on one of her accounts, about how she was turning asocial day by day. At that time, I shrugged it aside, saying, “Nah, that’s too much…”, but now, I am singing a different tune. Ever since I began my PG college life, I have been turning asocial. I have been beginning to hate every second I spend in the hostel, and quite often I rush home every now and then.

The reason is the stark realization that in this world, every one is out for themselves. No one will be there for you when you fall, but they will always come to you when they need something. This was very different from what I was used to. In my UG studies, everyone was very supportive, everyone was genuine. But not anymore. Everyone will coat their words and actions with sugar and honey when they need something from you, and if you need something from them, they won’t budge. Everyone is two faced- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is no fiction, it is very much the reality. A reality that we see in everyday life.

I am not saying I don’t have friends, I do. Some people who face the same issues as I do. Because we were not brought up to play games with people. With us, what you see is what you get. We don’t pretend to be someone we are not. But now I feel I should change that. In this dog eat dog world, you can’t afford to be a puppy. You’ve got to be a wolf. Not to tear others apart, but to protect myself from getting torn apart.

So people, here’s a a question I have to ask you guys…

Do you feel the say way??? Did you ever face something like this???

Do reply in comments!!!

The Bane of us Capricorns

“The symbol of your Sign is Goat, and like a mountain goat, your desire is to climb higher and higher in every walk of life. This shows great ambition. You are self-confident and like to set lofty goals. You feel satisfied when others respect you for your capabilities. You do not avoid taking risks, but you are not reckless. All your actions are rehearsed before putting them into action. Your relationships with others can be complicated. You can be very selfish, and have a strong urge to acquire power that will raise your status in society. You look to be cool and calm, but below the surface you can be very emotional. You are quite self-motivated, and will manage to find opportunities whenever required. Your powers of concentration are good, but you can be rather unemotional and may have too high an opinion about yourself.”

This is what we Capricorns are, according to the web. We are ambitious, resourceful, dedicated, a tad bit selfish…all of the above mentioned characteristics certainly apply to me.

You forgot one thing. About how we act maturely when we are little and begin to act childishly as we grow up. It’s true, and I am going through it right now. I am twenty one right now, at University, and people here are about as matured as me. But we are going down opposite ways. I was way more mature than all of this, and have toned down considerably over the years. They on the other hand are still to let go of their childish nature.

Now…my question…is this something I should be bothered about?

Maturity is something that is very important according to our culture. Precocious, mature children are considered better and superior compared to others. But if you ask me, all of this maturity comes at a price. The price of childhood. My childhood should have been better. I was concerned about what others would think of me, I was concerned about being perfect, and I forgot to enjoy. And now, I want to enjoy, I want to relax, but my academic schedule, and the society which expects PG students to be mature is strapping me down.

On contrary…

Is maturity something that is too important? Shouldn’t we let our cares float away every now and then?I have friends who are tensed 24/7 and I have seen how their lives are going. And one thing I have realized is that most of the time, our tensions just fade out. We are fighting with shadows, and we cant win that war.

Maturity is being responsible for your actions, it is being in control, and recognizing if there is a problem, and solving it.

Am I mature?

No…

Do I want to be???

Who knows???

On the Contrary…

I am not dead, but this blog’s as good as dead these days. I know some of you have clung on, checking for updates, and most of you have probably moved on. And I don’t blame you. Hell, I haven’t been here for a long time !!!

But now, things have changed.

I am now at a point in my life where everything is changing. Ever since I started my PG studies, everything has been changing rapidly. When you feel the cold hard reality of this world for the first time, you get hurt. Your body and mind get contorted. You begin to realize that your protective cocoon has given way and you are left to fend for yourself. Sure, your parents, your family will always be there for you, but now you have to find your friends, you have to find your allies. You have to be yourself, and be the absolute best that you can be. It’s time to evolve. Adapt or perish, that, simply, is evolution.

And every evolution needs a support system. When you build a  giant statue, you give it a supporting frame so that it can stand till it is strong enough to brave anything. You give it support till the time mere bricks and mortar evolve into something much more. Without it, it would be simply that, bricks and mortar. And for me, my support system is this blog. This blog is the only thing I created. This is where I can truly be myself, no masks, no facades, just plain old me.

On the contrary…

I decided a change of name, a change in theme would be nice, something to aid the evolution. That’s why this new look is here. Do tell me what you feel about it. I am not sure owing to the pressures of the final month of the semester, of how much time I’ll be able to dedicate to this blog, but I will give it everything I’ve got.

Thank you so much for sticking by me. Thank you for visiting…It means the world to me !!!

When the Eyes Don’t See

God has given us humans every gift to enjoy life. But perhaps the most important gift he has bestowed upon us is our eyes. Our ability to see. But it is often said that having eyes does not guarantee vision. And it is often true. There are times in our life when we have eyes but we fail to see.

My situation right now is something similar. I am going to college just a few hours from my home. I can go home at the drop of a dime. I have no issues with my classes, and have no issues in hostel. But still I am feeling down. I feel as if life has dumped a huge pile of crap on me. As much as I try to focus on the fact my life is considerably better than a lot of people, I just can focus on that. My eye is on the lookout for misery in the midst of happiness.

The glass is either half full or half empty depending on our outlook. But in my case my glass is three-quarters full, but I’m fixating on the last remaining quarter. But to be honest, even if that last remaining quarter were filled, I’d still be complaining about an overflowing glass. That is my problem, I want smooth sailing always. I want everything to go the way I want. But even then, I just can’t feel the happiness. Maybe that is because I, like many others, fail to grasp the meaning of life.

Without darkness, there will be no light. Just like that, misery is what makes our happiness more intense. The longer we are away from home, the sweeter the emotion when we return. The harder we fight, the sweeter the victory.

I hope I learn my lesson soon. But even if I don’t, I hope someone reading this does, and knows there are people just like us, going through the same experiences, hardships and revelations as us. 

Because writing is therapy. Not just for the writer, but for those who read as well.